Mother vs. Composer

My journey into composing started to gain momentum when I became a mother. Not my ideal, timing for a career change, but I guess it’s just how the plan for my life was laid out.

I’ve felt the push and pull between motherhood and being a composer a lot within the last five years. I never make progress in my craft as fast as I want to. Everything happens at a slower pace. I’m stretched between being a present mother at home to my boys while also trying to improve my skills as a composer during naptime. Trying to sing in choirs during the evenings and weekends while also trying to build relationships for potential collaborations. I’ve learned that everything takes time, which requires both persistence and patience. I know I’m not the only one who feels this push and pull.

So what does life look like with the internal push & pull between the mother & the composer?

It means I write a few notes for a few measures with the few minutes I have during designated screen time for my boys.

It means I can only take meetings during childcare hours.

It means going to the piano and recording a song idea while the boys play in the living room and including them in the process.

It means weeknight rehearsals one night a week while my husband or a babysitter can watch the boys.

It means waiting a few days before I can send intentional feedback to another peer on the work they are currently writing.

It means thinking of musical ideas and composing with the xylophone at the playground during a play date.

It means attending a concert for a limited amount of time before the boys get wiggly or it’s time to nurse.

It means participating in a live q&a with a world renowned composer during swim lessons.

This is just what it means to be a mother & a composer. It takes a lot of integration between these two parts of who I am. I’m doing the best I can to be both.